The Anatomy of a Vaguetype: Uma Musume and Intersectional Alterhumanity

[liondrakes]

Intersectionality is a curious concept. It's often discussed in relation to two things: community and personal identity. How relevant that is for someone is dependent on oneself and one's outlook within a particular society or culture. I became familiar with it early on in my life, albeit without having a word for that experience for a while.

 

Before my alterhumanity, and before my queerness, I was given the following labels: Black and Woman.

These labels were decided by outside perceptions from the society I live in. My sex was treated as my gender, and my features as my race. As a result, I was expected to honor that as fact like millions of others. Black and Woman are two separate concepts, and both are fabrications made within the socio-political frameworks of humankind. They're established as classes for people based on one's manner of birth and/or appearances, affecting not only how one is received as a person but whether or not one is allotted certain privileges within a given society. There's no set way of defining blackness or womanhood, because how that is experienced varies from culture to culture. Yet when these concepts are understood as one, this cuts into a distinct paradigm of perspective that's no longer universal. Although they become less generalized, this puts forth a new spectrum to consider for those who apply to either experience (being black but not raised as or identifying as a woman vs. having been raised as or identifying as a woman but are not black). Naturally, black girlhood and womanhood are still diverse among those whose identities intersect under these circumstances. For instance, I think a young black girl who was born and raised in a housing project in the Deep South is going to have a decent amount of cultural differences with a young black girl whose family immigrated from Nigeria to the UK. That said, these intersections are not without ties that link them together. Shared experiences under pillars of oppression is one thing, but these connections go beyond what we are victimized by. There is a sense of unity in this shared identity, especially when many finally feel understood upon seeing, hearing from or receiving the support of someone else who shares that identity. In those cases, community is being established. Differences don't need to be glossed over in order for that to be achieved.
 

Yet, I am not a woman. I was raised with the expectation of being one, and I still experience public perception as one, but my relationship towards womanhood has been diluted as a result of my personal discoveries. Being a woman doesn't suit me, but neither does being a man. I'm not interested in changing my body to reflect that. For me, it doesn't hold relevance to my gender. I am what I say I am, and that's all there is to it. Understanding gender (let alone labeling it) is a taxing affair, but I've found that "transmasculine", "genderqueer", "bulldagger" or "BD", and "masculine of center" have all been quite helpful as I explore who I am. More than anything else, these terms illustrate the concept of gender to me. Exploring my alterhumanity has furthered my concept of gender as well. I associate myself with male animals, such as stallions and bulls, and sexually variant cases with female animals, such as maned lionesses. I've experienced various forms of genderlessness and genderqueerness through my fictionhood and the parallel lives therein. In a way, my alterhumanity is my gender much like my race and sexuality (see: the term "bulldagger/BD"). 
 

Speaking of which, I have no interest in rejecting my ethnic community either. For every bit of me that is nonhuman, I am human in tandem with it. I love the culture I was brought into, and I do my best in being mindful of all corners of our diaspora for it is vast. Moreover, I couldn't reject that even if I wanted to. My ethnicity is the most visible aspect of me as a marginalized person. Before I am anything else, I am Black. Notably, I am a black person who's perceived as a woman; this adds another layer of visibility to my experience due to misogynoir. There's no guarantee that everyone will know where I'm coming from since race or ethnicity may not be the most visible aspect of their marginalization. For many, multiple factors are included at once. In undergrad, one of my colleagues was black, a woman, and a wheelchair user. These intersections aren't mutually exclusive from each other, and they can very well affect one's life cohesively.

 

That begs the question: what's gotten me into talking about intersectionality?
 

I haven't been able to share my thoughts extensively as of lately. Work is to blame, but so is my struggle to structure these thoughts beyond a few journal entries. For the first time in a while, I've been able to write something with as much detail as I liked. I've decided to discuss intersectionality and its relevance to identity because of this new experience I've had, one that exists under many contexts. I can't remember what led me to write about it using this angle, but I'm not complaining as long as something's written at the end of the day. What better way to open this up with examples of how intersectional my experiences are outside of this community?

Based on the Dragonheart Collective's On Alterhuman Frameworks, my latest experience applies to the following viewpoints:

• At first, I wasn't an Umamusume. I've now chosen to become an Umamusume. ("I am becoming this thing")
• Uma Musume became a part of me. ("This thing became a part of me")
• I experience the themes and narrative of Uma Musume, although I'm not consciously trying to emulate them. ("I experience this thing/this thing happens to me")
• I see Umamusume as metaphors or symbols for my aspirations. (“I use this thing as a metaphor/this thing is a metaphor for me”)
• I resonate with Umamusume, particularly the characters and their stories. ("This thing resonates with me/I resonate with this thing")
• Umamusume and their goals are reflective of me and my desires. (“This thing reflects me/I reflect this thing”)
• Uma Musume's characters are like me. I see myself in these characters. ("This thing is like me/has shaped me/has my vibe")
• Uma Musume impacted me as I reconnected with my equine nonhumanity. ("This thing impacted me as I developed")

This experience has its fair share of range. With that considered, I label this connection as fictionvague. Uma Musume is my vaguetype.This is in reference to both the species and the work of fiction as a whole. Besides my fictionhood, there's several places that Uma Musume touches upon in my identity: my self-perception, my gender, my connection to both nonhumanity and humanity, and my relationship with being a horse.

But first: "What is fictionvague?" It's a type of experience under the term othervague, specifically referencing a vaguely alterhuman connection to something of fiction.

"What is othervague?" Othervague describes an alterhuman experience based on confusion regarding the derivation of an identity (ex: whether or not it's voluntary); disdain or disinterest in the boundaries between voluntary and involuntary terms; or an identity's partial or full alignment with multiple alterhuman frameworks. From what I've parsed, the term came up during times of voluntary vs. involuntary discourses among alterhumans. Personally, my vaguetype applies to the latter half of this definition.

"What is a vaguetype?" It is the subject of one's alterhumanity as an othervague individual. It's no different than how kintype, theriotype, fictotype, and other 'type-based terminology are used. I'm not wholly othervague, but it is important that I specify Uma Musume as this exact term. My connection to this group and their associated franchise is abstract yet complete. It wouldn't be the same if I tried to funnel them under one framework. While I did choose to become an umamusume, I've been meaning to discuss other components that this experience entails. Hopefully, I'll be able to do so without relying on more communal terminology that I'd need to define for anyone who happens to read this.
 

Regarding self-perception, I often change between forms. Recently, I haven't changed my form nearly as often because of Uma Musume. Between phantom equine ears, a phantom equine tail, and a pair of phantom boots with horseshoes underneath (no hooves or anything!), it was evident that this became another part of my alterhumanity I'd sit with for a while. It's strange since I'm not "naturally" an Umamusume. It sort of happened to me if anything. It became so prevalent that I created a 'sona around this. Lately, I've thought about going by the name I've given said 'sona (Sword of Soulaan). I've also been meaning to update my profile so it's less dependent on Durandal as a basis. Funny enough, Durandal is also a character I questioned at some point.

Being transmasculine and falling outside of the gender binary, adjusting to this experience was rather awkward. The name of the species and source literally meant "horse girl". This became a guessing game of whether or not this involved tapping into my femininity. Long story short, it didn't. I could still building something out of it while staying true to myself. Initially, I hesitated since some fans are rather transphobic about transmasc headcanons and any conversations regarding gender diversity in Uma Musume's worldbuilding, but I had to remind myself that I can easily detach from fandom opinions. Additionally, I have my friend Amanda to thank for boosting my confidence. Though that wasn’t his intention, his discussions with me about how, in his opinion, the concept of gender for Umas is culturally distinct from humans gave me the motivation to incorporate these nuances into my ‘sona and his (my?) background. Much like myself, my 'sona is genderqueer. He (I?) questions the barrier between the Triple Tiara and Triple Crown when all competitors are equal in skill and prowess, hinting at my personal gripe towards these unnecessarily gendered divides between this world's racing competitions. Ultimately, this shared headcanon of gender working differently for Umas put me on the right track. His personal headcanon of T.M. Opera O and Meisho Doto being trans men was another spark of inspiration to me. I wish I had the time to ask him more about his headcanons, but him sharing these thoughts with me in passing have been a treasure nonetheless, both as a fan and as an alterhuman. I have no reason to worry about some fans’ close-minded behavior when none of this was for them. It’s for me. I'm in the process of carving out my own story in this strange world I love so much. In doing so, I entertained the concept of an umamusume originally competing for the Triple Tiara, but upon personal reflection, he changed the course of his career while transitioning. Ultimately, I've decided to incorporate that into my vaguetype. 
 

Then, there is the matter of nonhumanity and humanity. As a shapeshifter, there's technically no limit to who or what I can be, but there are personal limits of mine where I know something doesn't apply to me as an individual. Whereas some shapeshifters know that they could feasibly become human but aren't human, I know that I am both human and nonhuman. It's not a half-and-half, 50% of this and 50% of that (or any kind of percentile, really) situation, but a spectrum that I fluctuate across depending on the experience at hand. I'm more familiar with my humanity than my nonhumanity, but that's never stopped me from making the effort to learn more about the nonhumanity that lies within. For me, it’s affirming to have the kind of nonhumanity that's directly linked to human beings and the history we share together. This can be said for many domesticated animals, but among nonhumans, folks usually focus on dogs and cats rather than livestock and other homestead animals. Despite this oversight, Uma Musume (the franchise) has a surprisingly touching approach to this connection. I don't only mean the bond between trainees and trainers, as well as racers and their fans, though these aspects are certainly included. I mean the occasional references to Umamusume (the species) and their presence throughout history alongside human beings. From hieroglyphs to film reels, it’s a reminder that horses have been some of the closest animals to humankind for as long as the world remembers. Humans have chronicled their encounters with horses on cave walls, documented their travels on horseback from the Silk Road to the frontiers of the Southwest U.S., and written articles upon articles on them and their jockeys' sportsmanship. The ties we share need no introduction. I suppose that's why, apart from being a horse and a human myself, my gravitation towards the world of Uma Musume feels so natural. 
 

I feel as though Uma Musume's historic attributes are the most relevant to this experience I have. It's generally recognized that Umamusume exist as counterparts to racehorses from this world. Their stories are intrinsically linked to these horses, though the relationships they forge could change the course of their careers. That much is seen in the mobile game where possibilities such as King Halo surpassing her predecessors and Haru Urara having consecutive G1 wins in her career can be achieved. The weight of these possibilities will fly over the heads of folks who're unfamiliar with the horses and their careers in this world, but to put it simply, that's essentially giving a second chance to horses who had a lot on the line in their lives through these girls. Granted, it comes at a hefty cost once you take gambling with gacha banners, strategic stats distribution, and the unpredictable nature of real-time racing simulations into account. Regardless, it appealed to me once I learned more about the racehorses behind these characters. I've questioned a few characters here and there, but I've come to find that these feelings border onto resonation more— not just towards the Umamusume, but their counterparts in this world too. Equally fictionhearted and facthearted, King Halo, Orfevre, Gentildonna and Verxina in particular strike me as kindred spirits. Their careers aren't interchangeable whatsoever, but as racehorses and Umas alike, it's only right that I reference them in my introspections. In following this path, they've impacted me more than words can say. 
 

Thanks to them, I’m making my own history with this experience. I am not a racehorse. I am a horse who, despite not meeting the qualifications or coming from the right breed for this sort of sport, became attached to this fictional parallel world where the racehorses of our past and present live on through idols. I enjoy the idea of what it'd be like to be an Umamusume, to compete with my peers as the world watches on in wonder and perform for the thousands of people who've come to see us race. I respect Uma Musume’s dedication to the history not only of the racehorses themselves but the origins of horse racing in our world and the long-standing bonds between humans and horses through this sport. From directly referencing to their jockeys (ex: the entirety of both Still in Love and King Halo's stories respectively) to showcasing their careers in spin-off adaptations (ex: Cinderella Gray, Beginning of a New Era), there's a lot of passion poured into the horses and the people who've worked with them underneath all the music, memes, and misinformation among fans. Though my history isn't the same as theirs, the narratives spun around them have influenced my own.
 

I imagine when the concept of Uma Musume was pitched, no one expected a horse— one outside of this sport no less— to want something like that for himself. Even so, that's what personal history and mythology are for. It reminds me of some excerpts from Not Applicable's On Myths and Chosen Reality which cover this subject:
 

"If you keep sourcing your stories from the people around you, then they'll continue to define how you interact with yourself and the world... You don't have to take the stories you've been given, though. You can make your own. Some of us have already learned to do this. If you're transgender, queer, neurodiverse, alterhuman, plural, or otherwise marginalized in identity, then you've already torn yourself out of the narrative you were raised into by defining your own reality as worth listening to. The world told you to be one thing, and you decided to be something else. You made your own story and ran with it.”
 

“In storyspace, if you decide that something is possible, then it becomes possible. Likewise, if you decide that it's impossible to do something, then you'll never be able to do it until you change your mind. You can define events into being and undefine restrictions holding you back from your goals. Retelling the past lets you shape the future, and rebuilding your beliefs and values lets you change what your goals are and how you'll reach them.”
 

I recommend reading the whole essay to anyone who's struggling with conceptualizing their identity, regardless of what that may be. I take pride in shaping my identity how I see fit, and I don't see why I shouldn't do the same with this part of myself. Yes, I'm a draft horse. Yes, I'm a quarter horse as well. Yes, I know I'm not the kind of horse that's suitable for racing. Yet, in a world like Uma Musume's, I don't think that matters. The position of being an umamusume is as figurative as it is literal:

Umamusume. They are born to run. They inherit the names of horses from another world, whose histories were sometimes tragic and sometimes wonderful, and run ever forward. That is their fate. No one knows how the races waiting in the futures of these Umamusume will end. But they will continue to run, aiming only toward the goal in front of them.
 

I am a horse from another world, and my history remains unwritten. That in part is because I’m not recognized as a horse in this world unless I find myself in the right spaces. So, what is my goal? What kind of race am I running in? As I said before, I'm not the kind of horse that runs races. I see myself pulling plows, be it as an Irish Draught or a Suffolk Punch. I also see myself being trained for ranch work as an American Quarter Horse (of the stock variety); if I'm trained for any sport, it'd likely be for cutting competitions where I display my skill in handling cattle alongside my rider. But if that's the case, why build myself up this way? 
 

Aside from presenting myself as an umamusume, what I know of them and their lore so far invokes that feeling of solidarity I mentioned when discussing intersectionality. Not only do my connections with humanity and nonhumanity intersect with this experience, so does the varying perspectives of being a horse. Of the breeds I belong to, none of them were bred for the same purposes as a thoroughbred racehorse. I feel no desire to be a thoroughbred racehorse, either. On the contrary, I do feel a desire to be a part of this world that Umamusume occupy and the stories which unfold across their careers. I've never had athletic interests, yet I admire the drive of these racers. As they put forth the effort to compete, I long to put forth this same effort as a working animal. Umamusume are symbolic of who I want to be. I never want to lose sight of who I am. When I find myself living unhappily, I want to continue establishing goals for myself and see them through. Above all else, I don't want to stay stagnant. With everything going on in the U.S. right now, and the lack of progress I've been feeling since I finished undergrad, I've felt like I'm trapped in limbo. It took me two months to even finish this essay. I've lost track of how long it's taken me to make progress on other works, too. Yet, I want to keep going in spite of it all. I want to make the most of my time here in any way I can. That’s the race I'm running in.
 

I've had vaguetypes before, but they didn't cut as deep as this one. Perhaps, it's because it ties into an established experience of mine. Or, it might be due to the difficulty I've had with making sense of my equinehood. This isn't the first time that one avenue of my alterhumanity influenced another. Although I didn't choose these species for this purpose, linking centaurs, particularly Verzas, and unicorns was a helpful form of self-exploration. The same can be said about this vaguetype. It isn't solely about becoming an umamusume. It's also about how this work of fiction has shaped me as a fan and how its dedication to the horses' stories has inspired me to do more for myself. I took up self-inserting to test the waters, and I don't regret it. There's layers to this experience that should be recognized both apart from and alongside identification. My vaguetype is intersectional in nature. How I feel about Uma Musume bleeds into different aspects of my identity, in and outside of alterhumanity.

I've once had vaguetypes because I didn't know how to feel about them. I could only describe them as loose connections I had in relation to my alterhumanity. In contrast, nothing about this vaguetype is loosely felt. It's thorough, and it's something I've come to cherish. If not for its complexity, then certainly for how far I've come in understanding myself as an equine and as a human alike. This vaguetype bridges those aspects of my identity together. As I undergo and occasionally take notes on this experience, it's reminded me that alterhumanity is rarely a black-or-white ordeal. There's more than enough potential for experiences to blend together, and in cases such as this, that makes them all the more richer.

Comments

wooo! new essay! horse!

[mackerelgray]

Max: Hey Solomon, it's lovely to see your writing again! Personally, we've found that intersectionality is a really helpful lens to look through when unpacking our identities - instead of acting like every part of our selves can be neatly boxed away into its own separate container, we can dig into the complexities of being complicated people. I'm glad it's been helping you talk about your experiences as an Umamusume!

It's really cool to hear about more of the nuances of identity where you can't just sum it all up in a few words, it's something that takes an essay to unpack! Not to say that identities with short simple definitions are less complex, but that it's really enjoyable to hear about what makes people click with their labels, what brings them that sense of connection. You have a lot to say, and we like listening!

The rest of this is gonna be more of a liveblog, we've been enjoying that style of commentary lately! good for the overthinking, just Type Shit Out, fuck it we ball, comments by everyone unless specified by each comment

• Gavin: first off Sword of Soulaan is a damn cool sona name, we'd be down to call you that if you wanted!
• Jude: ohh yeah I can imagine it's awkward being a Horse Girl (species) who's not a horse girl (gender) - I've been feeling something similar in a less personal vein, where I'll relate to a post about robots or dogs or what-have-you but then there's that Girl attached to it that changes the whole vibe. the trials of being nonbinary in a girlposting ecosystem.... Besides that, very :O! about you and your friend's transmasc and uma gender headcanons!! They sound really interesting!
• hell yeah for the connection between humans and other animals! horses really do have a wonderfully long history alongside humankind, and Uma Musume sounds like it really puts an effort into being a love letter to horse enthusiasts; no wonder you'd resonate with it
• if the horses in the games can rewrite their own history, why couldn't you? they sound like kindred spirits and role models in the best sort of way, as characters and real horses and the stories told around them
• damn we need to read N/A's essay in full, that's a Really Good excerpt
• Gavin: in these trying fucking times, having a narrative where victory is possible and inevitable is really fucking important, and hell yeah to getting that from the racehorses as a fellow horse! they can win their hardest races and you can too!
• it's really good to hear more vaguetype experiences! it's different from being unsure, to be very sure of your experiences in a way that defies categories, and it's inspiring!
• Jude: shaking hands on having many words about a very complicated experience (horses for you) (gender for me)

ah this is a long comment. tbf you did write a long essay to comment on! and thank you for writing!!

--Machina

Re: wooo! new essay! horse!

[liondrakes]

First and foremost, thanks for your responses! It's always exciting to hear from you all. I didn't have the energy to reply last night, but I'm much more refreshed now. I'm able to give my thoughts to each of you, now that I've got some energy back.

To Max: I agree wholeheartedly. While a couple of my experiences feel separate from others, those are pretty rare instances. I glean more from assessing each aspect of my identity and how those qualities intersect. I'm glad that it's been a big help as well! I've struggled with making sense of my equinehood since I first questioned my animality, and I'm just now getting a foothold on what that looks like for me. I didn't think personal outliers (linktypes, this vaguetype) would supplement it in any way, but I'm thankful that things turned out this way. It's also nice to finally get it all off of my conscious. I've been meaning to expand upon my feelings lately (as seen with my previous journal entries), but I didn't have the opportunity to do that until now. Nothing's more annoying than having so much on your mind and little time to clear it! But, there's also nothing more satisfying than sitting down and getting everything of your chest. Sometimes, I get caught up in my own head with how wordy I can be, but I'm happy knowing it catches the interest of my friends!

To Gavin: Thanks! Y'all are more than welcome to do so. It's also why I go by Sword for short. I plan on testing the waters with it in the Equidae server sometime soon. And, I couldn't agree more. Every day feels like a new challenge, but even the smallest respite is worthwhile. I suppose that's what Uma Musume became for me. Not exactly a means of escapism, but something positive to get into while keeping up with the world. In the off-handed moment I decided to see what the hype was all about, I learned something new about myself and incorporated it into my identity. I was able to examine the depth of a vaguetype beyond uncertainty, and I was able to explore the possibility of being facthearted for the first time. Both of which are thanks to these horses and the series inspired by them! I want to see if I can dive into more othervague / vaguetype essays, if not casual posts and such. I'm curious to see how other folks experience multiple frameworks (if applicable)!

To Jude: Yeah, that was a whopping concern when my feelings started to veer away from typical fan feelings. Seeing gender be emphasized so strictly can be a pain in the ass. But hey, we're the masters of our destinies. We can always shape our experiences beyond that scope! That said, we sure do have a long, lovely history! Uma Musume: Pretty Derby may be a bit unorthodox, but it's still an impressive memento of the horses and their legacies. It's enlightening to see how detailed each installment is. Though many fans focus on its beautiful animation, Beginning of a New Era alone is a fantastic rendition of Agnes Tachyon, Jungle Pocket, Manhattan Cafe, Dantsu Flame and Fuji Kiseki's careers. Their histories as racehorses are already interconnected, and the film did a splendid job of reflecting that through its storytelling. Lastly, whenever y'all get the time, I think you'll really like N/A's essay. From start to finish, it's an honest, uplifting piece that discusses how myths and stories shape communities; furthermore, N/A discusses self-made mythology, the significance of exploring this option, and how it ties into Mad Pride. I'm not as active in Otherconnect as I used to be, but when the essay was posted, reading it got me in the spirit to write this one! It's definitely a favorite of mine among alterhuman writings.

Thanks again for reading! It really means a lot. This is probably one of my longest essays, too. I checked my final word count, and it's 3,679! I'm a few thousand short of 4k words, but 3.6k words are still good results!

[clumpywoods]

Hey from all of us! What a wonderful essay, seriously. It's genuinely really affirming to hear about more people who have intersections between humanity and alter or nonhumanity, as many of us are either humans with powers, or linked to humanity in some form. Hell, I'm a god of it in the sense of the human spirit! The Umamusume running and driving forward no matter what, and even the use of it as a status and as a title, something you can embody even if you're not one yourself, is a lot like what being a Kamen Rider can be. We're heroes who stand for human life, freedom, and justice for everyone, no matter what. Our powers are sourced from or linked to the evil we fight, but we make the choice to take a stand for what is right, and save others, even if we are considered 'monsters' by humanity. We're beings between conventional humanity and nonhumanity, a more human than human alterhumanity powered by our desire for good in this world. That's who we are. But in another sense, as several of us put it in Heisei Generations Final, we are 'those who protect their friends, those who make sure nobody is abandoned, those who reach out to the future, those who protect the world, those who bring people back their smiles, and those who use their power for the sake of others'. That's who we are and what we do, despite it all and for others, because no matter what... every life and hope matters and are never made in vain. - Marco

Many of us Racers are here for a similar reason to the camaraderie you feel with Umamusumes - we will give our all. We train and race to find the limits, and break through them, and will give our all until the checkered flag goes down. I've been here a long time. At least 2016. Clumpy (the boy first here.) always saw who he wanted to be in me. I've got a penchant for extracting results out of cars that shouldn't be possible. How? I won't give up and I will fight until the end, no matter what I've been given. That's how I beat Schumacher and everyone else. We are fuelled by our emotions, no matter how strong they can be, and considering our biggest struggle has been emotional suppression, I reminded him he could feel, and I've held emotions too strong for him to express or understand at the time. I'm glad we can feel them, now. But that passion is shared by the Riders refusing to give up on saving people, and by the other heroes choosing to become themselves. It's emotion, determination and passion that unites us as a system. This edit is a good expression of that, for me individually - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9F4iotuxH8o. Senna also famously pushed himself so hard during his first home GP win, that he fainted shortly after finishing and had to be helped to the podium to a hero's victory: https://youtu.be/LMoln6wvlGM?si=AutDNOnjFZCfuQYI. It's moments like that that is why we are here, as drivers and men. - Alonso