Where Myth & Magic Meet

I look at the technology of the first and second Industrial Revolutions, and only then am I invested what is put before me. I love technologies of the past in general. The older, the better one might say. This is based on my curiosity regarding these creations’ utility, their evolution and significance to our world’s history, not on the basis of practicality. The astrolabe of the Hellenistic Period, Su Song's water-powered clock tower ("Cosmic Engine"), Munich's beautiful Rathaus-Glockenspiel… I love learning about devices such as these! With the exception of the latter's figurines, I look like none of them as an automaton. Regardless, they’re important to me not only as an alterhuman but from an animist standpoint as well.

In my opinion, there is life within these inventions. Anthropologically, they are the embodiment of innovation, the desire to create and reshape our society through said creations. There hasn’t been a moment in time where humans looked at something and didn’t go “I’m gonna fuck with this thing until I shift its whole purpose in my favor!”— sometimes for good reasons, sometimes absolutely terrible reasons. It is through humanity, its societies and those developments that life can be found in the machines representing them. No machine is perfect. A machine is bound to bug out or go through malfunctions (read as: make mistakes) through trial and error stages, and it can even cause irreversible damage like its creators. It is also capable of incredible feats and inspiring generations like its creators. That is life captured through artificial eyes. Alternatively, if you’re like me, one may sense life in every little piece before these projects are assembled. In a way, that life fully emerges once all the pieces fall into place and a model is completed.

A while ago, I wrote up a character bio for my vaguesona (as an umamusume). Much of it was modeled after Durandal’s character bio since I questioned her for a brief period. Now that my relationship with this fictomere is more clear, I was able to set aside time and revise everything. Here’s what I’ve got:

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Name: Sword of Soulaan

Birthday: March XX 

Height: 171.5 cm

Weight: Perfect for pulling carriages

Nicknames: Sword (by most people), Prince Charming (jokingly), Your Grace (by Durandal; Sword begrudgingly accepts it)

Strengths: Encouragement, writing in cursive, analysis of old literature

Weaknesses:  Lonely travels, loud voices

Ears: They perk up at the sound of fanfare.

Tail: It stands idle behind him, as stiff as a blade but allegedly feels as soft as velvet.

Family: Fans are surprised to find he’s related to some rather cold-blooded Umamusume, but he’s proud of this fact if anything.

My Rule: “Be the hero of your own story, no matter how tough it gets!”

Phone Background: A collage of quotes and artwork from his favorite stories, mostly from the literary Romance and Gothic movements.

Before A Race: In true gentlemanly fashion, he shakes hands with his opponents.

Best Subject(s): Anything within the humanities. Literature, history, and Umapology (anthropology) are his favorites!

Secret Pride: Next to Rob Roy, he’s everyone’s go-to for a book recommendation!

Frequent Purchase(s): Books, fountain pens, locally made art and craftwork (to send home to his sisters)

• His “princely”, fairy tale image makes him popular with young fans, humans and Umamusume alike.
• His voice is often complimented. He’s considered volunteering as a storytime reader because of it.
• He loves role-playing games, but he’s very particular about open-world environments.

“My dream is to touch the hearts of the world with my racing! Crown or Tiara, turf or dirt, win or lose— As long as each step carries me, I will carry my rivals’ dreams with me and ensure their happily ever after!”

Biography:
As if coming from the page of a storybook, there’s none more noble nor fanciful than Sword of Soulaan! This uma wears his cultural pride on his chest, telling the tales of his people with every step. 

Inspired by Japanese Tiara competitors, both in and outside of Triple Tiara races, this strangely regal exchange student prides himself on being “The Gentleman Tiara”. Having experienced the kind of sisterhood that being a Tiara brings, while exploring his own path later in life, he sets to be an esteemed rival who takes the dreams of Crown and Tiara competitors alike and catapults them further. 

Seeing that his home only has a national Triple Crown and no national Triple Tiara to support, Sword of Soulaan fixed his gaze beyond the horizons of America. Guided by newfound purpose, The Gentleman Tiara has arrived to Tracen with the hope of seeing his quest through!

(Hypothetical) Friendships: Durandal, Zenno Rob Roy, Kawakami Princess

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I’m liking it so far! Following in the tradition of Uma Musume, certain parts of my vaguesona's bio includes details that are based on information from this world. For example, the detail about Sword having "cold-blooded" family members is in reference to the fact that I'm a draft horse! Depending on the breed, draft/draught horses are often called "Coldbloods" to distinguish them from other horses.

Other parts focus on Tiara Umamusume and the Triple Tiara. A little bit of this references my transmasculinity, but the core reason for mentioning Tiaras is based on my interests as a fan of Uma Musume. I became interested in researching the racehorses’ careers because of one specific character: Gentildonna. Easily my favorite of Uma Musume’s cast, the theriform Gentildonna is an impressive racehorse whose history in the industry left me on the verge of tears when I discovered her page on Northern Farm’s website (the farm where she currently retires). After roughly translating her page, learning more about her come-up as a racehorse, and also watching some of her races on YouTube, my enjoyment of this character increased tenfold. I began to catch little glimpses of her theriform counterpart’s life in the game. From her family tradition of climbing Mount Fuji by age seven (a reference to theriform Gentildonna’s skills in slope training at a young age) to her often being by herself until she’s roped into things by other Umamusume (a reference to Gentil’s habit of not socializing with other fillies or mares and standing off independently in pastures, a trait she shares with her mother Donna Blini and her sister Donau Blue), it made learning as much as I could about these horses my top priority.

As far as fiction goes, the stories of Tiara Umamusume captivated me the most. Main Story, Volume 2 focuses on many of them, particularly from the perspective of Rhein Kraft who deeply admires her Tiara contemporaries and the Triple Tiara even more so. Throughout this section of the Main Story, it’s evident that Crown Umamusume (or at least those who pursue the Triple Crown) garner more attention and support than those who pursue the Triple Tiara. This circumstance highlights the industry’s negligence of fillies in horse racing, despite there being no shortage of racing champions who happen to be female horses. Yes, horse misogyny is a thing. I’m disappointed but never surprised. The societies we live in are weird when it comes to a lot of things, especially in context to sex and gender. It’s always a shame to see it projected against nonhuman animals; after all, their coexistence alongside humankind and the social concepts it’s created have nothing to do with them. Yet, even they are affected by it. I can understand why other Global fans are skeptical over how this history can be adapted, given the unisex trait that Umamusume have as a species. Even so, I’m glad that the writers for the game decided to explore it anyway. I wouldn’t be the fan that I am without it.

In a way, it’s kind of sad. Regarding Global fans, the same people who act out over transmasculine headcanons and claim they “erase” representation do little with Tiara Umamusume— let alone take the time to learn about the incredible fillies and mares whose legacies deserve just as much attention as racehorses like Symboli Rudolf, Gold Ship, Agnes Tachyon, etc. It doesn’t help that misinformation circulates so easily either. I’m not above admitting that I initially believed the whole “Gold Ship was too afraid to breed with Gentildonna!” thing, but I went on to learn more about the horse as she was when she raced and became more fond of her character as a result. That’s something I wish more folks would do instead. I love engaging in the fictional aspect of Umamusume like any other fan, but engaging in the nonfictional aspect of it makes the experience even better in my opinion. We wouldn’t have any of it without the horses themselves, so why not look into those legacies? If not out of interest, then at least out of respect as fans. 

Because of what I’ve learned, and what I continue to learn, I’ve grown rather biased towards Tiara Umamusume. I consider myself one by proxy. In theory, I would present as a Crown Umamusume since I’m transmasculine (I associate myself with stallions and refer to myself as such when talking about my equinehood). One could say I pulled a T.M. Opera O (one of the character’s secrets being a change of positioning for his ear ornaments, which contextually references their theriform counterpart’s gender). However, I identify more with the social and cultural standing of Tiara Umamusume since I spent much of my life living it. I feel in community with them, so to speak. If not that, I’d just be a huge fan of the Japanese Triple Tiara as a character. Either works for me. All things considered, this is a pretty layered vaguetype.

Inspired by Shyvana’s journal on linking Bitter Glasse, I’ve decided to take my heart link with Uma Musume and reconstruct it. Although I’ve been trying to establish the group (Umas) as a hearttype and Cinderella Gray as a hearttale, I haven’t had much success in either venture. I’m very passionate about the characters of Uma Musume. Each of them have surprisingly rich stories, and I’ve come to enjoy the series as a fan who doesn’t play the game itself. Given my personal hang-ups with gacha games, I choose to stick with the manga and its anime adaptations. I figured this link would eventually be dropped, but reading Shyvana’s post was like a breath of fresh air. I hesitated to switch this linktype from a heartlink to a fictionlink, largely because I was adamant about not being an Uma Musume.

However, life is a funny, fickle thing. I’ve been having cameo shifts as an Uma. Initially, I thought nothing of it and assumed it to be partially equine shifts (kemonimimi shifts, in this case). I’d only experience phantom ears, a tail, and horseshoe-like protrusions underneath my feet. I didn’t feel distinctly like someone else until I’d experience cameo shifts as specific characters within Uma Musume. Among these cameo shifts, I experienced being: Symboli Kris S, Orfevre, and Durandal. There’s only a couple of similarities from these characters: their maturity, their resolve, and their sense of duty. Besides that, they had both aesthetic and characteristic differences between them. Of these Umas, I felt myself gravitating around Orfevre and Durandal the most. I’m no stranger to royal aesthetics. I have fictomeres where that went beyond aesthetics for me, and none of them turned out great. It doesn’t surprise me that it’s these two in particular who caught my attention, or at least my shapeshifting’s attention. Although I respect Orfevre’s commanding presence and confidence (traits I want as my own), I think I’m more like Durandal in terms of behavior. There’s also the fact that her hair (including the white patch) matches my coat as an American Quarter Horse. Learning that she excels in short distances threw me through a loop, too; AQHs are known for doing well in that field. Before doing anything else, I want to learn more about this world’s Durandal. We’ll likely have nothing in common, seeing that I feel represented by the fictionalized version of him. That said, I want to do this out of courtesy.

I want to link the traits of Uma Musume’s Durandal, but I think this situation is more of a questioning process than the building of a linktype. If so, my best guess is that this falls within the psychological department of experiences, but I’m not confirming anything without further introspection. Who knows, I might have to give Orfevre another shot if this doesn’t go anywhere. I’ve always had a weird relationship with my equinehood. I didn’t think it’d carry over to reincarnated horse girls, though. It’s strange since, as a horse, I’m not a racer. One of my breeds can qualify in races, but I regard myself as the type of AQH to either do ranch work or compete in cutting competitions. Otherwise, I take pride in being depended on for draught work. Perhaps, it’s our mutual interest in servitude that ties Durandal and I together. It’s not the same kind of servitude, but both involve putting our bodies— especially our physical strength— to the test for those we work with. Again, I’m not confirming anything yet. I still need to learn more about this world’s Durandal and Orfevre respectively. I plan on watching both characters’ in-game stories as well. This may give Orfevre a chance in this process. May the best horse girl (or version of me) win, I suppose.

Honestly, I should’ve seen this coming when those kemonomimi shifts started happening a lot more often. But, what can you do, y’know? Sometimes, you wind up questioning something you never thought you’d question. Then, as you go through that, it turns out a lot more pressing than you thought it’d be. Such is the case with alterhumanity.

NOTE: This essay contains spoilers for Date Everything, specifically Luna/Connie’s route and lore pertaining to the objects’ sentience. 

When I was a kid, I had a habit of anthropomorphizing everything around me. I didn’t want my stuffed animals to feel left out whenever I went to school, so I’d sneak them in my backpack sometimes. In order to help myself get better with math, I personified numbers. I’d tell myself that 2 was friends with 4,6, 8, and 10, and 1 was friends with 3, 5, 7, and 9 as a way of remembering even and odd numbers. Part of me was convinced that I could talk to those numbers in my head, too. These little friend groups were my work-around for where I lacked in mathematics, but they didn’t last long as thoughtforms. There was even a time where my books invited me to color inside them, because they were so bored of having nothing but words to show. I was an interesting kid, that’s for sure.

However, what stuck with me the most was my first handheld console. For my birthday, I got a Nintendo DS. I was pretty young; I want to say I was about 8 or 9, but my memory fails me. I admired it so much. Its design captivated me: white, compact, and an extra slot for backwards compatibility. I learned what the latter was when my cousin gave me his copy of Pokémon Emerald since I never had a GBA of my own. Once I started getting my own games, I grew attached to the device. Like other objects in my room, I anthropomorphized it in my mind and treated it as a friend. I didn’t have a name for them, but I did personify them through the characters I liked or played as in my video games. I often visualized her as Hilda, the female avatar for Pokémon Black & White. Maybe my avatar in MySims one day, or a Nintendog the next, but usually Hilda. Hilda was someone familiar and cool, but this thoughtform wasn’t Hilda as she’s known among Pokémon fans. She took her appearance because I wanted her to, and whatever I wanted changed often, so she didn’t always appear as Hilda.

She was an imaginary friend at first. I never mentioned her to my parents, and I kept it that way. Our friendship was a secret between the two of us, and it felt so fun and stealthy. It was like having a power no one else knew about, except it wasn’t much of a power and more of an act of my imagination with some brainweird things at play. Admittedly, creating a person around my DS, and every other DS I had after that, made me feel less alone at home. I needed to be distracted, especially when parents did as parents do (i.e. fight each other). She was there to distract me, to do whatever they could for a neurodiverse child who didn’t know what to do in times like that. Later in life, I stopped hearing them. I thought nothing of it. Kids create imaginary friends all the time. Mine happened to a bit unorthodox, but that’s what I chalked her up to be as a teenager. 

Now, imagine my surprise when she came back in my adulthood. 

I’m back home from my trip! To be honest, I don’t think cruises are really my thing. I much prefer traveling by air (who’s shocked? lol), but I’m glad that this trip got me to experience travel by sea. I loved the look of the ocean in the mornings. Watching the sun rising over the waters was nothing short of beautiful. I did enjoy some of the activities too. I really liked the ship’s equivalent to popular game shows (Family Feud, Deal or No Deal, etc.); they were really fun to watch! I wish the food was as good, though. I had a couple of decent things, mainly Guy’s Burger Joint, the deli’s philly cheesesteaks, and the chocolate muffins they’d serve at breakfast. Besides that, most of it was mid. I didn’t bother going to the ship’s restaurants either. I knew I’d be pissed if I paid out-of-pocket for more mid food when I could settle for what’s free. 

Additionally, I’m disappointed to say some of the Pride events were busts. Barely anybody except this one lesbian couple showed up to the mixer, and virtually no one but me went to the Pride Arts & Crafts event. There was a nightclub event, but 1. I’m way too self-conscious about dancing and 2. clubs aren’t my scene. I just don’t do well in really loud, really overstimulating places like that, so I stayed in our stateroom and got some early sleep. Although the Pride stuff didn’t go as I hoped, I’m happy that my family had a good time. Plus, when we were rained out one day, I stayed in and finished a short story for a zine made by some friends! At least, something nice came out of that day.

This entry will have a looser structure than usual since it’s coming from a place of frustration. I’m not venting, though. These are criticisms on what I’ve noticed lately. 

In terms of how my identities developed, I prefer the term quoiluntary. I have this preference for two reasons: 1. I experience all manners of origin, so the context varies from species to species and 2. I don’t give a fuck either way. I only emphasize on origin when I’m coming from a place of pride. Otherwise, I don’t care to differentiate myself from those whose experiences aren’t like mine. Make no mistake, I can understand why someone would feel like they should emphasize on their involuntariness. I used to be the same way. Even now, I recognize the significance of the identities I have that I didn’t choose. I am innately this character, this beast, this concept, you name it. It’s laid dormant inside me for so long, and now I’m finally free. I absolutely see why that is something to be proud of.

At the same time, that’s not the only reason why folks talk about involuntariness in comparison to other experiences. Sadly, whether folks are conscious of it or not, it feels like involuntariness and voluntariness are still played against each other in this community. No amount of validity posts has changed the fact that folks still engage with their peers, or at least what they hear about said peers, as if they’re KFF-adjacent or “wrong” about how they feel. It’s like folks don’t bother in understanding other experiences unless it’s within their threshold of comfort, let alone respect them as equals.

What’s the point in acting as if involuntariness is the only experience that’s inherently profound?

What’s the point in saying “Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with voluntary identity!” and proceeding to go “Well, actually…!” when met with anything that isn’t otherlinking?